Dear Dutch Brothers Guy:
I don’t know how you do it.
I don’t know how you can seem so hoppingly happy every time I roll into the drive-thru window at the Dutch Brothers Market Street location in Salem. Perhaps you are still jazzed up from your first latte of the day. Perhaps you are just doing your job.
In the two months that I have been frequenting your little blue parking lot kiosk I have learned a lot about you. That you have worked in all six Dutch Brothers locations in Salem. That you are a young father and work full-time crating coffee drinks that rock my face off. That you have lived in Salem all of your life and still love it here. That you’ve got the fastest hands in the West. That you make the best coffee I’ve ever drunk out of a plastic cup (and no, I don’t want a straw).
If it weren’t for our conversations, which clearly label you as a real human with a story, I might think that the Dutch Brothers corporation farms its baristas — like robots farming humans in the Matrix. How else could they have hired people that are so preternaturally peppy?
I refuse to believe that your interest in my day is merely part of your job description, that our jibber jabber is the “solid communication” touted on the Dutch Brothers website.
So I thank you, Dutch Brothers Guy. I didn’t need anything else in life to connect coffee to my happiness, but you have given me something to look forward to the one time a week that I can afford to buy a real coffee drink. I’m only sorry I can’t come more often.
Please don’t encourage Dutch Bros. It’s the moronic frat boy of franchise coffee. On top of this, their business model is centered on the generic suburban car culture of drive thru fast food and low quality drinks. But they sure push the ultra peppie service! (DB Manager: your job requires you to be high energy and chat-up the customers, but you’ll see the most results if you flirt).
Next time you make it to Portland, try to stop in at Coffeehouse Northwest on W. Burnside and 19th, or anyplace serving Stumptown beans. That’s coffee, my friend. Salem has pretty slim pickings for coffee. But I’ve heard there’s a place on State north of 12th in or next to a tattoo joint that serves Stumptown.
Jack
How funny. I was just thinking today that how I will continue to branch out and post more about coffee. By the way, you don’t need to push Stumptown on me. Last time I was in Portland I took my visiting mom there — her tastes are impeccable in everything. I said, mom, you have to try this. Let’s just say their roast blew her mind, as it has mine.
So no worries, dear Jack, and thanks for stopping by. Salem’s got a lot of great coffee joints and they will all see me soon (many already have, except for bikini coffee). As for my Dutch Bros. guy, he may not be the cutest barista on the block, but he’s on my block and he’s nice to me. He’s got a job, he does it dutifully, and he’s supporting his children with it. Although I am normally as quick to write off franchises, I think that’s worth something.
Thanks also for the Portland coffee tips. Now I just need to meet some people who work from home… er… from the coffeehouse to drink with me during the day.
Now that I’ve discovered your site, I’m catching up on all of your old posts…for THE BEST drive-thru (or any kind) of coffee in Salem, you MUST, I say, MUST run, drive, drag yourself to Salem’s Latte (love that literary reference…), on State Street just before 24th. It is run out of the same building as Jori Zan’s piercing and tattoo…the best, honest!
I’m actually planning a post on that place. As far as i know, it’s the only place in town that serves Stumptown!
Oh good, I’m glad you have it on your radar. Looking forward to your post! I tell everyone to go there. On a related note – Fresh Start, the coffee place on Center Street just beyond the OSH, has super yummy scones that are 50 cents each or something ridiculous like that. The coffee is fine, but the scones are delish!
I am so there! Thank you.
Awesome info in this blog post! I’m the world’s biggest coffee addict and I am always trying out new varieties but also always trying to find the ideal cup of coffee that I am completely pleased with. And because of that I am always delighted to learn more.
i know who you speak of…and i agree!
The Broadway Coffee House at the corner of Broadway and Hood, north of downtown Salem, also carries the Stumptown Coffee brand. And, there’s Wi-Fi and plenty of comfortable seating!