You’d think that the holidays would make me happy — after all, I’ve never seen more people out and about in Salem.
But I’m feeling a regression of sorts, back to the days when I used to write long, scathing letters to corporations such as CVS when their employees wronged me in ways that were beyond the pale.
In the grand scheme of the universe, these may seem like minor infractions, piddly quibbles. But when you are 9.45 months pregnant, your patience tends to spread thin like cellophane.
So here’s some stuff to be angry about:
Imports adrift. In January, Tuesday Morning – is moving from the “zoning abortion” of Lancaster Drive, as a wise Willamette Valley winemaker once described it to me, to a space on S. Commercial near Wal-Mart. Chances are good that I’ll never again make the trip down there for a snuggie/imported Belgian chocolate/Limoges dishes/decent rug/cat-shaped lint remover. At least that zoning abortion is closer to home.
Keep Salem Lame. Someone in this town is actually making the argument on my column from November that Salem needs to stay lame. Months ago I thought about starting an ironic “Keep Salem Lame” movement, in which “lame” could be reappropriated to mean awesome — I know, a little too hipster for this town — but, there are actually too many people working actively as part of the real KEEP SALEM LAME movement. It would never work.
Instead, I would hope that someone would actually comment on the other end of the spectrum, since I can’t. Oh, poor, lonely Salem Monthly columnist… so alone in her hopes for cultural impulses…
Bad customer service. I’m into everyday superheroes. I’m into people who take pride in their work, people who fill their work days with actual work, people who understand that there is something noble and dignifed about doing what you do — whatever it is — best. I reward these people by not acting like an asshole in the public sphere and by generally being a dream customer.
So why do I keep running into salespeople who would rather talk to their work colleagues than sell me something? I’m talking about you, Patrick in the IKEA housewares department. When an adorable hippo asks you if you have a fir-scented candle, don’t say you don’t have one so you can keep talking to your fatty friend. I found that candle after waddling around for fifteen minutes. And no, I didn’t buy it.
Things to feel grappy about:
Always angry when a store fails, a little happy when it’s a concept I kind of hate.
Scrapbook Fever, on Hawthorne Ave, near Pietro’s pizza, is closing. My condolences to the owner’s, who I’m sure are kind and forthright people, but I just don’t think you need a bunch of doodads by Leeza Gibbons to make a decent scrapbook. Or to tell your personal story in any meaningful way.
Apparently, the market agrees. I wish them the best in their next venture.
I was furious about the keep Salem lame comment when I first read it. I’m going to reply. I just don’t trust myself to be eloquent about something that pisses me off to this degree.
ok. I did it. lol.
Aww hun! I hope that baby comes out soon, so you can start feeling happy again!
*hugs*
and a kick in the knees for Patrick!!
Love your column in Salem Monthly. And now I found you here!
I find that I cannoot write about what really pisses me off. The eyes and ears of Salem are well conneted; the company I work for wouldn’t understand. I envy you that you write fulltime and enjoy such luxeries.
Well thank you, Michael. I guess that’s an advantage of being an outsider, or a newcomer. Salem has been pretty welcoming, and if I have an enemies, they haven’t voiced themselves. That’s too bad! Sometimes I run into people who disagree with my columns/blogposts, and but they only reveal themselves, sheepishly, when I meet them for the first time. I invite conversations as long as they are civil. In the end, I believe in the marketplace of ideas and can’t understand the impulse to hold those ideas back.
I had no idea there was a “Keep Salem Lame” movement, but having been in Salem for a little over a year now I have to say they are doing a good job and it’s bumming me OUT!
I don’t even think of doing things in Salem any more – to the point where I’m sure I’m missing out on the worthy things that may be happening around town. Is it shameful that when someone suggests “Hey, we should do something,” I instantly think “Right, either head to Albany/Corvallis or Portland since there is no ‘something’ in Salem. “
That’s an interesting idea for a slogan…
“Putting the “somethin’” back in Salem!”
I should adopt that as a subtitle for the blog.
[...] Monthly. Now, I have found her online at a blog by the same name. I feel rejuvenated because, in a recent blog, she reached out and found that ugly side of herself – she admitted that she was angry, even if [...]
Does it make me an old fogie to say “you should have seen this place 20 years ago!” There was no Riverfront Park, no Gilbert House, the Elsinore was about to be demolished, and Thompson’s Brew Pub was nothing but talk. The Saturday Market was just a gleam in someone’s eye, and downtown Salem had more holes than my Mimi’s afghan. But just wait, there are now more great kids places than ever -and your focus is about to change!
Nah, Sarah, just means you have the benefit of long-term perspective
Emily – I think that at 9.45 months pregnant having anything thin – even your patience is fantastic — especially when you use it to create such a wonderful blog. You always make me laugh. Maybe by now you’ve had a blessed birthing!
Instead of “Keep Salem Lame,” what about: “Keep Salem Lamé!”
[...] paid the price for my comments in a very real way before. Months ago I made some snarky comments about the closing of the scrapbook store on Hawthorne Boulevard. I don’t hate scrapbooking per se, I just hate the idea that you have [...]