So a bunch of my readers have alerted me to my having been named the #82 most famous person in Salem by K. Williams Brown, the Statesman-Journal entertainment reporter.
First of all I’d like to say thank you.
Second of all, I’d like to protest that I don’t count. I have this idea in my head that people who are working in media, especially as reporters, don’t get to count as famous because they already possess the means to get their voices out there. Unfair — it is, it is! — to group me with the likes of Gerry Frank, Salem’s own Ace of Cakes, who ranked #1 on the list.
Third, notice my placement at #82. As adorably self-deprecating as Kelly’s column is, let us not forget that SHE IS MYLOCAL COLUMN-WRITING NEMESIS and wouldn’t dare rank me in the top 50.
What’s so great about Kelly’s column is the ridiculousness of there even being any Salem celebrities in the first place. Notice that she only actually names about a dozen people, assigning them almost random rankings (I kept expecting there to see a nod to Jon Heder, graduate of South Salem High School, and one-time tot-toting movie star of Napoleon Dynamite. Sigh, no dice).
I would also like to point out one more person who is as high profile as they come and didn’t warrant mention. That nice-looking crazy transvestite that roams the space between Savage Road, NE and the I-5 underpass on Market Street. Love that guy. Um, gal.
Finally, I would argue that the sexiest people in Salem are the ones that guard their anonymity fiercely, like Salem’s own J.D. Salinger, the writer of the Capital Taps Beer Blog, who has never once aired his name or his dirty laundry in public. There is a genuine attractiveness to hiding behind the work you put out — especially if it’s good stuff.
As for me, maybe I’ll hide my big head behind this increasingly gorgeous muffin face.
I want to be ranked … Am I disqualified because I live in Keizer? Kelly suggested that wearing a feather boa may help, but that I could regret it at a letter date. It seems I may need to rub shoulders with some Salem elite. Hmmm where to start?
You are big on Twitter, Gary, which basically means you’re hipper and cooler and more with it than anyone ranked on Kelly’s list!
Psha, I say! Is Anderson “Silver Fox” Cooper not famous? What about Susan Orlean?
It can be hard to come to terms with one’s fame, Em, especially when it’s the bright-lights-big-city fame of Salem, but modesty won’t help matters. And thanks for the hilarious entry.
As for you, Gary … or should I say, Jugbo, … Keizer fame will be tackled at a later date. I think we all know that with your 8 billion Twitter followers, you are more famous than all of us. It wouldn’t be fair to the others on the list.
I aspire to write and report as well as Ms. Orlean, but I don’t want her fame. I certainly don’t want to cry on air like Mr. Cooper. And yes, Gary has us all beat.
Kelly underrates herself, I think…. because she came into my restaurant last night and I totally recognized her. Move your number on up girl!
Love the photo!
Salinger’s a literary bar far, far above us – but that’s a nice thought, and it’s true it’s a bar from which we’d never pass up a beer. Thank you.
But we really can only say (NSFW) this!